im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
