am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
