i think my mom watched the whole time
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
