On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
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