I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
it glows. i had to have it.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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