If that was your dad, he is hot
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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