oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Randomize
