So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
