Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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