**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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