and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Randomize
