I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
