I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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