he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
