Swine flu. Run for my life!
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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