Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
