3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
