i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
