Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
