I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
