be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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