You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
