Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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