so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
