Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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