At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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