seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
