I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
