So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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