He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
