Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
As shirtless as possible
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
