Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Found your dick twin last night
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
