the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
