Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
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