wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
