Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
