he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
