I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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