Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
