you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
