it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
