I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
