There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Randomize
