google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
