I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
