That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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