just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
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