Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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