I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
