I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
