I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
