I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
