A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
