I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
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