you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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