dude i'm inner monologue high
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
please don't ironically join a cult
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