Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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