Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
