I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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