I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
