Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
