Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
i've created a new STD.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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