I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
There r osticjed everywhere
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
