physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
