you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
