so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Is Oprah even human
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
