I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
