I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
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You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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