Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
