Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
