can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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